After three days of wrestling with trying to post my second blog and finding myself beginning to think that I would have to start with a whole new blog, I just kept on trying. "Just one more time, I know it was here a moment ago..." "Where is it hiding?" "Why won't it take my edits?" OOPS IT DISAPPEARED!
When I finally stumbled on a solution, it not only recaptured the copy of both blogs, but I found IT had taken my posting seriously and Blog 2: "Re-Awakening the Heart" was there 3 times! The problem had been that it didn't show up when I kept trying the VIEW BLOG.
I suspect many of us over 70 (and a few younger Baby Boomers) also have trouble believing that the Internet is not just a new MAGIC LAND in which we have no GPS to guide us through its twists and turns. It seems to be forever not doing what I tell it to do - or not doing what I think I am telling it to do.
I remember when I tried to write a business plan on my first computer in 1985. After becoming baffled by the way the person I was paying to teach me seemed to be speaking a foreign language and his hands were flying across the keyboard so fast, I almost gave up right then and there. I was confused about how this new machine could ever help me. How could I learn the mechanics when I didn't even conceptually understood how it worked?
I asked a friend to lunch, my treat, and asked him to explain to me how it all worked. He was brilliant in his simple way of describing it by using a metaphor of a whole office that stored files and had lots of helps to get me more organized. Mostly, he encouraged me to not give up and keep trying.
So I would sit for hours with my muscles tense, my eyes straining, and labored over the important words that would sell my business plan to investor. I was terribly fearful, and kept thinking that I might lose all that I had written once I stepped away from the computer. (It was like imagining gremlins living inside who would eat the words up or hide them where I couldn't retrieve them. Do you remember those crazy gremlins during WWII who sabotaged the aircraft?.) Therefore, I diligently kept saving and saving what I was writing and that particular computer DID SAVE IT by copying the whole thing at the bottom of what I had written the day before.
Don't ask me how that happened. I'm still the learner after all these years and 1/3 of the time I still don't quite understand what I just did that made something "work" or "look good." Just because I have persevered doesn't mean I understand everything I am doing when I sit down to start a project.
To continue: one afternoon when I was getting near the end of writing the business plan and was planning to print it out the next day for editing, I became obsessed that if I closed it, I would not be able to find it later. My energy seemed to be attached to the machine and my body couldn't seem to decide to get up and move away. I felt "held" and the more I sat there, the more fearful I became. I knew EXACTLY how Jeff Bridges in the first Tron movie felt when he got sucked into that world and couldn't get out! I knew I was being ridiculous, yet was afraid of doing the wrong thing and my weeks of work would be lost. I kept sitting there, feeling helpless.
Finally, I called the friend who had been so helpful before and he could tell I was truly distressed. He didn't live far away and said he would come right over. When he walked into my basement office, I was relieved to see someone who could rescue me. Even though I felt embarrassed by my admission that I felt unable to close down the computer because of fear, I knew he would understand and help me.
He put his hands on my shoulders and helped me relax. He told me that he would sit down and make sure the file was saved and that it would be there tomorrow. I couldn't have to be the one to turn off the computer by myself. Then he stood up and took my hand and raised me out of the chair: "I'm going to fix this. It will take you time to learn and you mustn't feel bad that you don't understand it all yet. I will make sure the document is saved securely - and, then I'm taking you to a movie"
Over the years, he has remained a trusted friend and has come to my rescue a few more times when I needed "saving from myself..." He helped me believe that I was smart and could figure out what I needed to do in numerous situations. He trusted in both my capacity to learn and my ability to persevere in the face of the unknown.
So, here I am writing my third blog and realize that I often give myself lots of credit because I've mastered something, slogging through computer twists and turns, and find that little by little - especially in this new world of mass communication and the Internet that "never giving up" serves me very well.
(WHEW!)
Marcella Womack
No comments:
Post a Comment