Saturday, January 15, 2011
Journal Entry: 7:27 a.m.
I was in the middle of intrigue involving murder, death, violence, manipulation and was seeking a way to “make it through.” Could see a way through, if all went well, so that all the destruction would be behind us and we could change course in the future as a group.
They (the investigators/the officials) had discovered the large room where all the bodies were and I was moving among the immediate group members downstairs without either letting them know or being singled out myself. I knew, however, of all the evil and damage that had been done and yet I continued to think through how ‘i’ could make it alright if we could find a way to leave all that behind…
Once the investigators/officials, however, began looking for someone to blame, I knew they would come right to me as the one who knew all the details. Once they knew that “I knew” they would be able to get off the hook by finding someone to blame.
I was complicit because I had seen it all, or knew what was happening and didn’t try to get help to stop it. “They” wouldn’t have done anything but try to fix blame, find a scapegoat on which to divest themselves of responsibility.
It came to me that we couldn’t go forward until all of us came to understand the thrall - the bondage - under which we all lived – the denial of the centrality of our own guilt, involvement and therefore culpability.
We cannot move forward without acknowledging our complicity in all that has occurred. We have all been irrevocably shaped and tainted by our conditioning and we have tried to ignore the immensity of our responsibility.
Pogo said: “We have met the energy and he is us.”
It’s now 10:48 a.m. and I am re-reading this entry. As I remember waking and feeling the horror and the trappedness of my situation, the meaning of the dream quickly dawned as I began to write. Yes, I was in the midst of the horror in the dream and am now – this day – existing in the horror of The Dream we call “daily living” as 21st century inhabitants of this Earth.
The more I wrote, the more it came to me that I was describing our current human condition and experiencing both the senselessness of it and the hope that drives me as I, like in the dream, keep searching for a “way through.”
We’ve come through a week of speculating on “who is to blame” for the senseless killing of last week-end. Everywhere one looks there is an article, a newscast, a pronouncement, an internet bulletin, and even a Presidential eulogy given for the victims in the Tucsan shooting.
We are looking for both the “root cause” and at the same time “the fix” that will make things right. (And perhaps, relieve us of the responsibility to have to think about it...) Was it one young man’s delusion only? Did our political climate stir up so much rancor that it has infected the very air we breathe? Since there are almost no other countries in the world that contain so many citizens owning lethal weapons – guns – what can we expect? Could the parents have kept their child from these random killings? Were the teachers in his school alert to his anguish and distress?
If we can find one person, one group, one segment of the population, one political party, or one “trigger” to this awful event will we believe we have fixed it? This, dear friends, is the illusion under which we move day after day after day. There is no quick fix. There is no easy solution, when in fact all of us “live” out this same constantly repeating set of actions in every city and every rural community in this country over and over and over again.
Pogo got it right. “We have met the enemy and he is us.”
Over the next few days, I will endeavor to continue to write here on this Blog about the “everyday outer experience dream” that we all are dreaming and will try to shed some greater light on this dilemma. It seems as if humanity is “reaping the whirlwind” at this point in history and life-as-we-have-created-it is crashing in on itself.
I am no doomsday speaker; I am only one who sees beyond this time of wringing of hands and repeating the same scenario again and again. I seek the Greater Truth that lies behind the happenings of the times and believe I have awakened to a portion of that Truth. As you may remember when I started this Blog, I told you the Vision Quest name given to me in 1984 was Relentless Truth-Seeker. And so it is that I continue... marcella
